There are so many books I want to read. I feel dead. I wore high heels for four hours and when I stepped out of them, the floor felt different.

The girl at Bengawan Solo knows me and can predict what I'm going to order. I've been there so many times since it opened two months ago. I've been there in so many different ways- dressed in a skirt, wearing heels, in my school uniform, wearing a scruffy tshirt with school shorts. Except in jeans.

My L1R5 is 20. The only thing I seem to have improved in is AMaths, with other subjects remaining in their usual state of decrepitude.

I have to write a testimonial for my form teacher! I keep forgetting about it and it makes me terribly guilty because he's so nice to us. He also seems to think that one day I'll do something great. In the birthday note he wrote me and in the good-luck-for-olevel-notes he gave everyone, he said things like how I would go on to make my mark, blaze a trail, etc. For the life of me I don't know how I could ever live up to something like that. I don't even know what I want to do.

Yesterday we had the very very lame teacher's day celebrations (Ms Jaya does a wonderful impression of an ox, I think, and Mr. Adrian makes a wonderful penguin) which Mrs Tham my MEP teacher flippantly responded to with a, 'Aiyah, can skip teacher's day or not? I think can lah.' After that weng jun, zhuwei, beverly, vanessa, yiying, myra and I went to j8 where we went to pastamania and Ate. It wasn't really enough. There was a tiny hawaiian pizza and I had a portion of baked rice which was so very good. Then Bev's house, where we gazed at the computer for hours playing this investigation game where we had to Spot the Items, most of which were very impractically stored. Imagine a corn cob in the ceiling.

Reached home at 6.30 and bathed and headed straight to the bus stop to meet Robyn. We got on 156 but there wasn't any money in my (sister's) card and none of us had coins so we got off and took a cab to Bishan. The train was gloriously almost empty, and we reached City Hall with all the hurried briskness of re4 guo1 shang4 de ma2 yi3. We walked to the Esplanade, a path I have taken one too many times - it is so crowded and you always get the feeling that you are about to be late.

We were extremely early. We got a seat at the concourse (finally!) and waited for The Analog Girl to make her appearance. I saw cool people, worldly and assured, skinny and gorgeous, couply and gross. Played with Robyn's camera. It's fun to go out with people with dslrs. Though I have never tried, it would probably be easy to mess around with them and make them fear for the safety of their electronic babies. The opportunities paranoia unfolds!

Then I saw this cool girl with purple tights and rainbow socks, who turned out to be The Analog Girl herself. I like her music. Robyn points out that it would take a certain degree of confidence to pull off the whole purple tights-rainbow socks getup, but I thought she was a rather jittery, uncertain performer. The music echoing around her seemed so personal, it felt like she was a shy girl whose inner thoughts were suddenly broadcast on loudspeaker and sounding out all around her, making her uncertain of how to react.

And if you haven't heard her, her sort of music requires her to shift continuously between the computer table and the mike. So it was rather awkward when we had to wait as she bent over the table, jabbing fingers at some object to create sounds, long hair completely obscuring her face. Polite applause in between songs. Nevertheless it was still kinda cool and she had nifty gadgets that produced divine sounds.

Possibly it was just the audience. I took pictures of the audience. As cool as they looked, they were completely passive. Inert. They looked fat even when they weren't. Recently there was a newspaper article saying 'are Singaporeans waiting to be served?' and yes, yes, I do think we are.

We wanted to eat at New York New York! Gorgeous place, I like the cheese sticks. But we decided that it'd be too expensive and we didn't have enough money between us, so we went to j8 and pastamania (twice in a day!), where I got an entire plate of baked rice all to myself (WOOT) and Robyn got minestrone soup. I always stumble over the pronunciation of that. Minnerstrawny. Oh I forgot to mention, on the train to Bishan there was a couple who was so mushy it was sweet/gross. He kept rubbing her waist (ALL THROUGHOUT THE TRIP wow his wrist muscles must be stunning) and surprisingly, she wasn't ticklish. And they were standing very close together, so whenever the train rocked and she swayed a little closer to him(very often), he would kiss her forehead.

Amazing.

Today I had tuition at Bev's house and I was late but it was cool. There always seems to be something to eat in her house. Went to popular, bought the guide to o'level chemistry, went home, did Han homework, FELL ASLEEP. It was a good thing that I slept cos I was exhausted. I had a dream. I never dream in the afternoon. Today I did.

It involved being overseas, and being at the airport, and waiting for planes to come. I had just arrived in a new country for some camp, and I was in the toilet, where a girl saw me and hissed at her companion 'It's Stacy', and she said my name so venomously. It reminds me of that scene in Cats (the musical) where the outcast Grizabella returns home and finds herself ostracized and avoided, in a place where she was once the glamour cat. Popular It girl becomes a detested nobody. I don't know how that ended up exactly, but I think it was also in part inspired by an embarrassing incident in primary school.

I got a boyfriend, too. It was at a bench outside a crowded hall. I noticed my ex-French classmate and cheerfully sat down to ask how he was doing, and then we were engaged in conversation. Then somehow my head was on his lap, and he was smiling, and we were officially Together. There was a jealous rival too; it was a guy whom I'd always thought was gay(no, not modelled on anyone I know), and he saw us together, and in a fit of desolation and rage, ran away.

As is with most dreams of course, these two paragraphs can't at all capture the whole feel of it. It was a cool dream. There was loneliness and sadness and hope and love, none triumphing over any of the others, but existing potently as individuals.

At 6 we left for the paternal side's cousin's gathering. All the distant relatives, cousins I don't know, etc. Apparently I have an uncle who distributes beer for carlsberg, and an undergraduate aunt who flys planes. It was a beautiful condo. There were small Caucasian boys who could understand the things their Chinese nanny said to them. There was a Chinese looking, androgynous person who spoke casual French with a brilliant, thick accent. I didn't know most people. As much as I would've liked company other than Stefi, it was hard to imagine mingling with these group of strangers. They all looked so domestic and indifferent.

It was boring shit. We left for Borders and spent a lot of money. I bought the latest Artemis Fowl book (WOOHOO!), a Truman Capote book (I forgot the title) and Wuthering Heights. Stefi bought Nancy Drew stuff. Then we went home. I caught a bit of House and it was fabulous. Now I'm here, and now I'm gone. Byebye!